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depression and anxiety suck

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I don't know honestly which is worse, the symptoms of both, or the bullshit people throw at me that makes it worse.

When someone is depressed, I promise you, it's not an excuse to make your life difficult. When we're crying uncontrollably for "no reason" on our bed, it's not because we want to ruin your fun night. If we did-- we'd be doing it while you're watching your favorite TV show. I know sometimes we break down in the most inconvenient places, but sometimes we can't always quickly and easily find a "safe spot".

Depression hurts. It hurts when you start feeling physical symptoms from it too. Loss of appetite, headache, sluggishness. It really sucks. And most people will accredit it to being lazy or something.

It also hurts when people try to downplay it. Nothing's wrong with a harmless "Cheer up!", "*hugs*" or "I hope ya feel better!" I actually enjoy those (but I've seen blogs by depressed people saying not to do that. weird.) I start getting upset when people tell me to count my blessings. Like not being homeless, being alive, having functioning body parts, etc.

Yes, it's awesome to be a physically able human being. But in turn, you're erasing all the problems that are hurting me. I have a few skeletons in my closet and I have a death lock on the door for a reason. There are things I deal with that I don't tell anyone. Because people will think it's a simple fix, when it really really isn't. Should I talk to someone about it? Someone I can trust? If only I knew more people like that.

I'm a very avid believer of venting to others being beneficial and healthy, but good help is really and truly hard to find.

Anxiety is probably something I find worse than my depression. Mostly because of the physical symptoms that are harder to control.

I can't enjoy horror movies because of anxiety. I can't enjoy horror games like Dead Space (which I love to death!). For about a week or two after I picked up the game, I started having dulling and throbbing pain. Luckily to this day, I haven't had any nightmares or anything, but I had to promise my boyfriend that I wouldn't play the games anymore.

Also, I'm prone to attacks. I lose control over myself and start shaking uncontrollably. Breathing becomes difficult and all you want to do is curl up and cry. Then hug yourself and tell yourself it's going to be okay, that you're going to be okay, But the hyperventilating keeps going on. Your heartbeat is accelerating and you're not sure why.

And then like I said, the bullshit that's worse, is the unsympathetic nonsense you have to deal with from other people. Hours cut at work (though I've been working extra hard to earn my hours back). The risk of getting fired, and people telling you to get your shit together because "your life isn't that hard and you have no reason to feel that way".

I used to believe that and I told that to a former friend of mine until they told me that it was unfair that I said that because not everyone is equipped to cope with their own struggles. I mean yeah, a rich person crying over a broken nail or being sold a fake diamond is kind of frivolous, but otherwise, it really isn't cool to be downplaying other people's issues.

And to close this and TL;DR: I'm not trying to be thin skinned, or make anyone feel bad or be a speshul snowflake. I'm not asking for preferential treatment. I just want other people to be conscious of others feelings. Acknowledge us. Treat us with common respect I'm not asking for anything special. It's kind of like not making 9/11 jokes to someone who lost their family in that attack. Or about spiders if someone is arachnophobic.

Sorry for the big QQ life story, you can unwatch me if you like.
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